Early Man by Aardman Animation Ltd

Author:Aardman Animation Ltd
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781510735408
Publisher: Sky Pony Press
Published: 2018-01-19T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT

PIG TROUBLE

While Dug and Goona were stealing balls and dodging guards, Hognob was having an adventure of his own.

Dug’s clumsy tumble down the stadium seating had left his best friend in a rather sticky situation. The noise of his fall had drawn unwelcome attention. Before Hognob could go to Dug’s aid, he froze at the sound of a suspicious voice.

“What’s all that crashing around out there?”

The voice came from a room next to the one Hognob and Dug had broken into. Hognob recognized it at once. It belonged to the man who had led the attack on his beloved valley home.

“Is that you, Stefano?” demanded Nooth impatiently. “Stop messing around and get in here with those firm hands of yours!”

Hognob’s hoggy mind raced. If he made a run for it, Lord Nooth was sure to realize there were intruders at large, and call for the guards. Dug would almost certainly be captured.

There was only one answer. Hognob had to bluff, and buy his best friend some time. He trotted over to the door to the next room, and cautiously slipped through.

The room beyond was Lord Nooth’s private spa. It was clouded with steam and a luxurious bronze bath stood at its center. Nooth was relaxing in the bubble-frothed water, reading a newspaper. He had his back to the door. Hearing someone enter, he barked another impatient command.

“Come on, Stefano! It’s time for my massage.”

The word “massage” meant little to Hognob. His idea of pampering was a good old roll in the mud. He was, however, far smarter than the average hog. He noticed a table full of creams and lotions, and remembered Nooth’s talk of “firm hands.” He put two and two together.

Nervously fumbling with one of the bottles, he managed to smear his trotters with massage oil, after squirting a fair bit in his eye.

“Come on, chop-chop!” snapped Nooth. “I haven’t got all day.”

Hognob took the plunge. Approaching from behind, he laid his oily trotters on Nooth’s bare shoulders. He began to rub and squeeze them, hoping he had more or less the right idea. From Nooth’s reaction, it seemed he had.

“Aaaaahhhh, yesssss . . .” sighed the Bronze leader in satisfaction. “That’s good! I need this, Stefano. Don’t go easy on me. My tendons are like ropes. You can go the whole hog.”

Hognob tensed. For a moment, he feared he had been discovered. But Nooth seemed more than happy for him to continue.

The truth was that Lord Nooth was feeling especially in need of a little stress relief. The angry message that Queen Oofeefa had sent him had left him rather anxious and annoyed.

Now, however, as Hognob’s trotters did their soothing work, Nooth’s cares dissolved away. He felt only smug satisfaction with the cleverness of his latest scheme. The match against the primitives would really bring in the bronze. His coin chests would soon be brimming with beautiful schnookels.

“Mmmmm . . .” he sighed contentedly. “I don’t know what the queen is worrying about. I mean, we all know what losers cavemen are.

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